It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
