How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
