Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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