Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
