How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
