We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
