The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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