My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
