I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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