Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
