there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
