Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
