I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
