you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
