how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
