i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
