Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he thought i was a dude.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
