so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize