I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
