I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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