hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
