yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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