there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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