i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize