Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
