Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
