I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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