im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
