for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
