Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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