I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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