I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
