Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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