How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
