so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
