I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
