I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
