you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Mom said you looked used
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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