Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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