Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
