OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
