Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
