Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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