Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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