so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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