I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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