I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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