Sry I called you an 8
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
