So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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