dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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