Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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