yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
