Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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