We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
