Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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