Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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