he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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