I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
