Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
