You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
