After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
