He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
