Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I deserve this hangover.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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