Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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