Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize