One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize